i'm so sick of it!!! i try and i try and i try but nothing i do is good enough. noone is ever happy and it's all my fault. everyone is being "left out" (maybe because they are always together!) so i try to be more concious and think maybe it really is my fault and try to invite them to do things but no that's not good enough they just shoot me down right away. i guess you can't change a situation that doesn't want to help. i just really hate it... i mean i feel left out a lot... but i just don't say anything. even if i do everyone gets mad at me, i try to be considerate of everyone else all the time and i mean maybe i'm being selfish right now but sometimes i just wanna scream at them and tell them fuck you i give up because i just can't make them happy... and they don't care what i do anyway. i could just disappear off of the face of the earth and i can pretty much guarentee that about half of my "friends" wouldn't notice and if they did they wouldn't care. i mean not that i want my friends to be angry with me but why is it that they get so mad at cassie when she's with me for "leaving them out" yet no one gives a damn what i'm doing. they don't care at all... i just want to feel like they care. it's not fair. everyone is complaining about how no one likes them, but they always act like they don't like me and i just don't say a word i don't do anything but try to make them feel more secure and i just feel like i get stepped all over all the time.
i mean last night i spent time with cassie, which means we were "leaving other people out" yet those certain unnamed other people were at a party we weren't invited to because we "aren't cool enough" (meaning we are against drugs) and yeah so they were probably off doing drugs... and i couldn't get it out of my head. i thought i was gonna break down i was on the verge of just completely bursting into uncontrollable tears on the way to my house after school, but then karen came to my rescue (since we realized she was following us) and yeah she seems to be doing a lot better, not perfect... but better and that made me feel good. i really like karen she's so funny and nice and i just like spending time with her. even though i didn't cry then i still feel like shit right now. i mean i try so hard to appease everyone but they don't care at all they are still angry and "left out" even though whenever i make any attempt to ask anyone to do anything i'm just shot down. i just really hate it. all these attempts are just so measly and trivial just like the problems i'm trying to solve.
yeah friendships require work... but not this much. sometimes i just don't want friends anymore. they just make me feel bad... now i understand seth's point of view.
11:43 a.m. - 2003-12-13
Recent entries:
I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%I never knew I could be so broken - 2007-12-05
- 3:00 a.m. - %%older_entries%%My cat is gone. - 2007-01-19
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- 7:01 p.m. - %%older_entries%%My cat is gone. - 2007-01-19
- 7:01 p.m. - %%older_entries%%My cat is gone. - 2007-01-19
- 7:01 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%It's sure been a while - 2006-03-09
- 11:09 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%my dreams have changed... - 2004-12-10
- 9:57 p.m. - %%older_entries%%I CAN SEE! - 2004-06-11
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- 10:16 p.m. - %%older_entries%%I CAN SEE! - 2004-06-11
- 10:16 p.m. - %%older_entries%%I CAN SEE! - 2004-06-11
- 10:16 p.m. - %%older_entries%%
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